GUEST POST: Why is Everyone Making Such a Big Deal About Me Smoking a Cigarette in the Bathroom of This Greyhound Bus? – by Aging Female Meth Addict Smoking a Cigarette in the Bathroom of This Greyhound Bus

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You guys are being fuckin’ drama queens.

What? Yeah?! What? I’m in here! It’s occupied. Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. No, I wasn’t smoking. Well, ok. Alright. I was smoking. I’m sorry. I had the door closed, I don’t see why you’re freaking out. There’s a fuckin’ vent. This bathroom smells like piss, man!

Oh, stop. The whole bus does not smell like a Marlboro Red. What do you mean we can’t just air it out a little? The windows don’t open? I’ve been on this bus for two and half days and haven’t even realized that. Are you serious? Why is everyone looking at me?

Listen, I thought you were going to stop in Idaho Springs, and then you didn’t. Then, I thought we’d get at least a quick luggage loading break in Vail, but it didn’t happen. Do you really expect me to go three hours out of Denver without a heater? It’s like another 45 minutes to Glenwood, maybe 90 if this Dominican hits traffic. What? He looks Dominican! Racist? I bet you think everyone is fuckin’ racist. Can’t even call a spade a fuckin’ spade anymore.

I don’t remember anyone making this big of a deal when the guy dressed as Jack Sparrow in a nursing home spent an hour and a half loudly arguing with Vietnam Charlie over here about how medicine is a witchcraft perversion of God’s will and that the criminalization of marijuana is orchestrated by Satanists. This motherfucker is wearing a tri-corner hat yelling at Jesse “The Body” over here about fluoride in the water supply and nobody said shit. What? Who did? You? I musta nodded off. Little sorority bitch. Your tits won’t always look that good, sweetie. This is NOT a dye job, you little sorority bitch. I used to look like Geena Davis. White bitch. Cracker bitch. Fuck you! Let me tell you something, pirate boy, I coulda used some fluoride in the goddamn tap water. I don’t have any fuckin’ teeth left.

College ass bitch. Probably went to whore school you stupid whore bitch. Is that your boyfriend? That’s not his only beard, you dumb slut. You think you’re better than me? Rug muncher bitch.

I will sit down! Hold on. Let me get some shit straight. Quit calling me ‘meth lady’ alright? I’m 48 years old and I’m going to Riverside to an inpatient facility, alright? Anyone here been to the 909? I thought it was closer to LA, that’s why I’m wearing this Lakers sweatshirt from 1986 I found at a thrift store in Columbus. I’ve been clean seven weeks but Missouri is a fucking shithole run by rapist pigs that don’t give a rat’s ass if the dealers are out burning people with pipes over a little money owed. Yeah, whatever, Richard. Scar my left asscheek over $38. That’s gonna make it a lot easier for me to pay you back for that last bag. Didn’t you see that Clint Eastwood movie? Why don’t you just slash my face while you’re at it? Fuckin’ kid toucher. Fuckin’ horse fucker. Fuckin’…

Yeah he is! You don’t even know. You weren’t there. I had to leave. Court order.

What are you looking at, fag boy? With your fag hair. Who are you supposed to be, fuckin’ Jimmy Page? Is there vodka in that Red Bull you got? Are you watching football? What’s the score of the Rams game? Oh, they’re the night game? Alright. You’re alright. Where you goin’? Don’t ignore me! Faggot. I should hook you up with my homo son, you little queer. Doesn’t even call on my birthday. You like to party? I know he likes to party but he won’t even share with his own MAMA. Fuck Missouri. I’ve got more hairs on my chin than you, fag boy, what are you, a Puerto Rican? Half Pinoy? Fuckin’ bottom bitch. I quit takin’ it up the ass in 2005, what’s your fuckin’ excuse? Teresa Heinz lookin’ punk ass mark ass trick.

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The orange line there means ‘locked’ you prick. Have some respect for privacy, alright?

So whatever, the bus smells like cigarettes. You used to be able to smoke on these fuckin’ things, one isn’t going to kill you, millennial pansy asses. Half this bus is Mexican anyway. I bet you can still smoke on the bus in Mexico. Greyhound policy? My ass. You can’t kick me off this bus, you fuckin’ Honduran. We’re in the middle of nowhere. The fuckin’ Donner Party died out here and my Trac-Phone doesn’t even get a signal. You want me to just live in a tree? Just squat in some bushes like a fuckin’ raccoon? What are you, Guatemalan? Are you just an effeminate black? What’s your fuckin’ deal?

Who said ‘she knows what effeminate means?’? I’ll kick the shit out of you, bitch. Drop me off at the next Taco Bell. That’s where you should work, you fuckin’ Panamanian. I can’t believe you’re kicking me off this bus. If I’m not in Riverside by Thursday they’re going to revoke my probation and I’ll have another warrant. Stranding me over a cigarette. I can’t believe this shit. Let’s work something out, come on El Salvador. That’s your name now. That’s what I’m calling you. Let me at least stay on until Grand Junction. Come on, man. Don’t stop. We’re on the fuckin’ highway, where’s even a ramp I can walk off this motherfucker? You fuckin’ Grenadian. Fuckin’ Heartbreak Ridge piece of shit.

Yeah, whatever, I’ll get a ride. Next time, I’m taking fuckin’ Amtrak. You just lost a customer. This is going on fuckin’ Facebook, you fuckin’ ni-… You fuckin’ Nicaraguan.

An Extralegal Execution in Aurora

Very early Monday morning in Aurora, Colorado, 73-year-old Richard “Gary” Black woke up to find a woman on his porch attempting to retrieve her 26-year-old son, who she said was on drugs and not likely in control of his actions. Black raced upstairs, where he found that a nude man, later identified as the 26-year-old Dajon Harper, had dragged his 11-year-old grandson from the living room into a bathroom, where he was strangling and attempting to drown the boy. Black, a Vietnam combat veteran, started to beat the man and reportedly tried to gouge out one of his eyes in an effort to free his grandson to no avail, went and retrieved a handgun, and shot Harper dead.

Black’s wife had been on the phone with 911 and police reported hearing gunshots as they approached the house. Black walked into his living room, where police shot him dead through a window from outside the house. Police reportedly didn’t identify themselves but claimed for “around thirteen seconds” they screamed at Black five times to drop his weapon. The whereabouts of Harper’s mother during the incident are presently unknown. Black reportedly suffered hearing damage from his time in Vietnam, as well as further degradation due to old age, and also likely had very little auditory function after firing a handgun inside of a bathroom. Aurora Chief of Police Nick Metz has blamed Mr. Black’s actions for his death, despite the as-of-yet unnamed police officer being involved in a fatal shooting in June and recently returned to duty.

The same police department that took in Aurora theater shooter James Holmes into custody alive murdered a man defending his family in his own home, from outside the house, who was an entirely different ethnicity and wearing specifically described clothing than the suspect detailed during the emergency phone call. That’s an indictment of incompetence and poor training that underscores the “fearful”, wanton bloodlust of police culture in America, where academies constantly drill a shoot-first-ask-question-later mentality with phrases like “better to be judged by twelve than carried out by six.” Anyone paying attention in the last thirty years knows that phrase is far accurately “better to get several weeks of ‘paid administrative leave’ and no charges.”

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