In an age where “binge watching” is common parlance, my television habit still stands out like the gnarliest drifter at Alcoholics Anonymous. I get to watch a lot of TV. Get yourself a multi-monitor set up and you can, too. I’m in the middle of an Oz rewatch, I just finished The Sopranos again, which I’ve done once a year for basically forever, and I’m readying a long-form, one-episode-per-sitting rewatch of The Wire for this spring. That’s the holy trinity of HBO’s entrance into the Golden Age of Television in less than six months. Never have children.
Those are just my idle hands! I still keep up with what’s in season for watercooler zeitgeist purposes. Here’s what I watched, what I didn’t, and what I’m going to be watching. Spoilers after the jump.
Continue reading “It’s The Fall/Winter Television Review feat. Special Guest: The Spring Television Preview!”
After four years with the Denver Broncos and one championship ring, cornerback Aqib Talib was traded to the LA Rams in exchange for a fifth-round draft pick. Generally, I treat sports rumor mills as a where-there’s-smoke-there’s-fire situation, and there was a lot of smoke about Talib desiring a trade even pretty early on into the 2017 season. Fans and Bronco’s beat guys definitely saw this coming, and after two unremarkable, disappointing seasons coming off of a Superbowl win and the retirement of Peyton Manning, it certainly isn’t surprising.
Since Superbowl 50, the offseason has been a stressful, pins and needles time for Bronco fans. Locking down Von Miller and Emmanuel Sanders were definitely coups for the front office, but you also inexplicably let Wade Phillips go as defensive coordinator after heading one of the historically greatest defenses of all time and start piecing out said defense. These are all tough front office problems and it’s difficult to see how it’s all going to play out.
Talib is a player I think almost everybody hates – unless he’s on your team. When he played for New England, I put him up there with Vontaze Burfict and cursed his coverage anytime the Broncos played the Pats. I was even pissed off when we picked him up after that disastrous loss to the Seahawks in Superbowl 48. The Broncos have always had a bit of a moral high ground against a rival like Oakland. Talib, coming from Darth Bellicheck’s dubious Patriot dynasty that had just lost a tight end to murder charges, seemed out of place in a franchise whose fanbase primarily meme’d about chicken parm sandwiches, ill-fitting winterwear, and Eric Decker’s monster hog. Especially after the then-recent conclusion of the illustrious career of an absolute class-act Champ Bailey, Talib felt like buying an angry Rottweiler after having to put down your childhood Irish Setter.
Naturally, I think fans not accustomed to having an Enforcer on their team can’t live without one after they’re gone. Just being able to know you’ve got the ability to exact some revenge or try and intimidate a snarling team on the road is quite the feeling. What comes standard issue on a hockey squad isn’t as plentiful in the NFL. Talib doesn’t take any shit. There was the eye poke, the chain grabs, and the fights. Talib served suspensions in three consecutive seasons with the Broncos. He shot himself in the leg at a bar in Texas.
But there’s also 103-yard pick-sixes. Continue reading “Farewell, Aqib Talib”
Two days late, I received an automated message purporting to be a “friendly reminder” from an international content generating conglomerate that stated if I was hedging political opinions and relationships with other human beings based on strongly held beliefs I got from movies, I’m supposed to comment on the outcome of the Academy Awards.
It doesn’t matter that a former Donald Trump campaign aide that he originally met as a five year-old boy at Wrestlemania got shitfaced on television last night, vowing to resist a grand jury subpoena.
I saw Get Out a year ago and I’ve got a few things I want to get off my chest about it and the time for that is 59 hours after the last time any of it will be relevant. I might even watch that movie Frances McDormand and Sam Rockwell both won for before I write the rest of this. The fish guy movie? I didn’t see it, but in twelve hours after I shape up a couple of defense issues in my present Rimworld save, I might have a couple of strong opinions about it if I can keep myself away from my rewatch of the third season of Oz.
The Oscars are pretty irrelevant to me in the sense that the best film of 2017 was cut up into hour-long segments from 18 hours and aired on Sundays on Showtime in the form of Twin Peaks: The Return. I’m upset I wasn’t “here for it” because I have a lot of things to say about it, but I’m planning a rewatch in the summer and will probably have a lot of dumb insight other people did a year ago.
One film I did see featured predominantly in the Oscar nominations list was Ladybird, which I hated. That’s a strong word. I felt pandered to, and in “quirky” movies initially critically lauded, I’ve recognized this as a trait in films that don’t age well. Garden State comes to mind as does Juno. A good soundtrack and a couple of “it kids” is not everything a movie makes. As someone who on no level of demographic surprise enjoys the films of Noah Baumbach, I was really excited about the directorial debut of Greta Gerwig and it was just underwhelming to me. I say that as someone who can very much relate to the source material. Continue reading “Contractually Obligated Thoughts About the 2018 Academy Awards”
Welcome to coopsies, which I guess is what I’m calling this blog. Blog. Is anybody still doing this? Are there bloggers in 2018? Haven’t we pared The Discourse™ down to a toxic but ultimately digestible 280 characters? Isn’t an overwrought lamentation concerning the death of long-form amateurish navel gazing how the first posts of a million decaying .wordpress, .tumblr, .blogspot sites go since like 2003, when I first started blogging? It’s coming back to me, I think I am doing this correctly.
It costs $4 a month to have your own blog and you have to pay for a year up front. That’s pretty reasonable considering I spend $40 a week on cigarettes and Red Bull, and especially because there’s no advertising and I got my third choice for a .com domain name. Coops.com was unavailable, despite it not being a working webpage and owned by a realtor firm since 1996, and the son of a bitch that owns coopsy.com just points it to a decidedly unCoopsy branded blog with a test post and one post from July of last year that does that fake-ass hand-wringing agony thing about “the blank page” that writers who don’t write anything do (no offense intended to Christopher Cooper, allegedly an acclaimed Dr. Who novelist, owner of coopsy.com, and the present editor of Star Trek Magazine [?] but not at all a prolific blogger).
Creatives that domain squat should be locked in a guest bedroom with Kathy Bates, a wood block, and a sledgehammer. I wanted something snappy with less than three syllables, so I took coopsies.com for my blog. Necessity is the mother of the portmanteau or wordoid or whatever.
Cooper + Oopsie = Coopsies.
It’ll do, I guess. I already wrote a joke for it so we’re keeping it.
The goal here is to NOT end up like thesloth.co.uk eating up perfectly viable domain names as pointless redirection to a basic homepage with a test post, which is why I think paying up front for a year of this shit is kind of worth it. Now, I have to do something with it. I already paid for it. In the radio business, we’d call this all the “housekeeping” portion of today’s program. Moving on, what is this going to be, why am I doing it, who the fuck am I and how will it work? Continue reading ““I Used to Have Fun, Now I Don’t.””